WILL RUNNERS SURVIVE THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE?

When considering the coming zombie apocalypse, one must take into account the laws of natural selection.If a horde of zombies suddenly emerge from the local morgue onto a city street, who has the best chance of surviving? Long distance runners, of course. As the crowd flees, those with lesser aerobic ability will be the first to falter. Even though zombies are dead on their feet, they do possess the determination and persistence to pursue people for surprising distances. Most people can't run for more than a mile. Zombies instinctively know this. Unfortunately, this does not bode well for the human population in general. However, distance runners, especially marathoners, gain a great advantage because of society's lack of conditioning.

Imagine you are training for the Boston Marathon and running through a local park. You pass crowds of revelers guzzling beers, eating burgers, and listening to country music.A couple of them laugh and shout, "Run, Forest, run!" Around the next turn you spy a horde of zombies coming your way. You realize the zombie apocalypse has begun. What's your next move? You must go back and warn the cookout crowd. As you near the picnic-ers You shout, "The zombies are coming!" One of them yells, "Look y'all, here comes Forest again." Then he shakes up a of can beer and pops it open in your direction. You run through the spray and everyone laughs. Very funny. You wonder if redneck comedians taste funny to zombies.

When the zombies round the corner, the party breaks up. The guy with the beer, an ex-running back, sprints by you. However, he can only maintain that pace for another thirty yards. When you pass him, he's bent over gasping for air like a beached tuna. Twenty-six miles later you arrive at your Uncle John's cabin deep in the woods. Five other marathoners have found their way there. Together you prepare for a new world, one in which distance runners because of natural selection will repopulate the earth.

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